global warmers to compete in snowmobile mud climb

vroom! get ready for a three-day festival of oil consumption!

JACKSON, Wyo. — Unfazed by the rapidly melting snowpack and overjoyed at the prospect of cleaving Snow King into two smaller sub-peaks, organizers say they will go ahead as planned with the annual Snowmobile Mud Climb, sponsored by Halliburton and the Bin Laden Group.

U.S. oil companies have hired the paramilitary firm Blackwater USA to airlift an extra 1,000 barrels of Saudi Arabian crude to help cover the fuel consumption this weekend. The Dubai Stock Exchange soared on news that the event will take place.

Weather forecasters say viewing conditions should be excellent, with unnaturally warm temperatures under hazy skies.

Mud Climb is a favorite of oil-producing sports fans, not just consumersWorkers were busy Tuesday erecting a 500-foot armored viewing platform for honorary grand marshal Dick Cheney. “He’s agreed to fire the starting gun for the races,” said one organizer, “so we expect a lot of people will be clamoring for a close-up look at his legendary weapon-handling skills.”

Upwards of 10,000 Utards are expected to storm town. Their standard-issue diesel dually pickup trucks, having towed 20-foot-long trailers laden with snow machines, will spend the weekend idling at the base of the King.

Meanwhile, Keith Peters, author of the blog Carbon Neutral Journal, suffered a brain aneurysm Tuesday while trying to compute the carbon imprint of the Mud Climb. Peters was rushed to St. John’s Hospital, where he was forced to wait as doctors prepared a mobile cardiac lab for Cheney.

Bud Methhead, spokesman for the energy company ExtortMobil, said business leaders hope to attract a spillover crowd to Pinedale for the First Annual Antelope Taunt. Crews are drilling an additional well on the Pinedale Anticline, which will be torched late Saturday afternoon in hopes that as many as 100 mule deer and antelope will panic and sprint at full speed until their hearts explode.

With three weeks to go until the Pole Pedal Paddle race, participants are taking out the running shoes in lieu of cross-country skis. Unable to field a consistent Nordic course from year to year, the host Jackson Hole Ski Club is considering moving the race 1,800 miles north to Nunavut, Canada, where some snow remains and racers can paddle the newly open Arctic Ocean.

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Posted under Humor, Ski Resorts, Sports, Weather

4 Comments so far

  1. The Snaz March 21, 2007 8:32 am

    What, no mention of the newly planned Hill Climb halftime fireworks show, when a grizzly, a wolf, a cougar, and a backcountry skier will be released on Old Man Flats, then given chase by Gail Norton at the controls of a Stinger-equipped Black Hawk helicopter? Fun for all ages!

    Awesome post, Jim.

  2. deep eddie March 21, 2007 9:07 am

    JUST ANNOUNCED:

    Mud Climb winner gets all-expenses paid trip to the new Halliburton HQ in Dubai, where he can whirl his machine in the sand with all the oil he can burn!

    And avoid U.S. taxes.

  3. rico March 22, 2007 1:01 pm

    Don’t forget the “Tazer Tag” booth sponsored by Teton County Law Enforcement going on all day slopeside!

  4. brandon jackson November 14, 2008 3:59 pm

    That picture of snowmobile in mud is so photocroped it looks like crap nice try though.

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