face to face with Angler

By Jim Stanford on January 3, 2014

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Dick Cheney, pictured here when he was vice president, had been enjoying a peaceful holiday vacation in Jackson Hole, while chaos still reigns in Anbar, Iraq.

On my way home from skiing yesterday, I stopped at Albertsons to get a bag of salt. Been having a problem with ice buildup on the side of my house, the result of new gutters depositing melting snow onto the frozen ground.

I grabbed a 25-pound bag from outside, walked into the store and paid for it.

As I was walking out, an older man was walking in, dressed in a shearling coat and cowboy hat. He was, unmistakably, Dick Cheney.

My first impulse was to keep walking, but I decided I had to do it, so I stopped and turned to him.

“Hey, Dick,” I said. “I hear the Tigris and Euphrates are fishing really well.”

He thought I was dispensing some jolly fishing advice. “Ha, ha. What’s that?” he said, while grabbing a shopping cart. “The Tigris and —” His face went blank as he realized what I meant.

“Yeah, you should give it a try next summer,” I said, and I walked out, toting the bag of salt on my shoulder.

Twenty-five-pound bag of salt at Albertsons: $4. Dropping a slow burn on the warmongering former vice president: priceless.

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Posted under Humor, Politics

28 Comments so far

  1. D January 4, 2014 12:00 am

    Like

  2. joe January 4, 2014 11:44 am

    What a pair.

  3. n January 4, 2014 8:05 pm

    Double like!

  4. Sheepeater January 5, 2014 2:17 am

    Congratulations: you’re only 10 years too late for it to matter. Care to join those of us attempting to address actual issues actually taking place right now? One big one is ongoing geoengineering programs causing unprecedented droughts in California and killing all of our trees here with precipitation laced with toxic heavy metals. Big Dick doesn’t feel any remorse for his war crimes and a subtle ribbing isn’t worth bragging about. Step to the plate on current events.

  5. k.b. January 5, 2014 12:30 pm

    Although there is probably not a US politician that I dislike more than Cheney, it is not clear to me why he should not be able to pick up groceries without being harassed. Is he not a private citizen? Is he at an event of any sort showing his support for anyone or anything?

    I did have extensive plans to move to Jackson but found the constant distinction between visitors and locals a form of bigotry. There is not a conversation or news article that does not mention how many years someone has lived in the Valley or the stupid tourist/newcomer. It is interesting to note that long-term locals also enjoy harassing each other. What a friendly place!

  6. John January 5, 2014 12:34 pm

    Love it. Also, Liz skis in jeans.

  7. J January 5, 2014 2:44 pm

    So brave and bold – you sure put that old man in his place.

  8. Jim Stanford January 5, 2014 3:01 pm

    Jim vs. Cheney

    Fortunately, no Albertsons shoppers were injured during the rest of our confrontation.

  9. Woolly the Mammoth January 5, 2014 4:06 pm

    Jim Stanford 1, Dick Cheney 0

  10. Henry Cestern January 5, 2014 7:55 pm

    Did I ever tell you guys about the time I flipped of Richard Nixon? It was great. I said, “Hey Dick, napalm this!”

    I did that last year at the Nixon burial site. Felt so good. He had no comeback.

    Problems solved.

  11. Yukon Cornelius January 5, 2014 8:32 pm

    Wow a lot of hate for this Jim. I love it, and would hope you’d do it again without hesitation. Let sheep eater stick to his conspiracies. K.b. good luck finding a ski town that doesn’t rip on gapers and each other. Send us a postcard from Utah! No bigotry there….

  12. Pat E. O. January 5, 2014 8:56 pm

    Well gee aren’t you very special, putting Dick in his place. Our former Vice president and you….uh…what was your last REAL job?

    So comforting to know that someone with your depth of wisdom is part of our town council.

    I hope I some day have a similar chance to ask some crafty questions your man Obama.

  13. fish j January 5, 2014 10:24 pm

    all around-strange

  14. John January 5, 2014 10:37 pm

    Golf clap for Yukon.

  15. k.b. January 6, 2014 3:47 am

    @Yukon
    Jackson has so much more to offer than other ski resorts. It is not even the main income. The Park? The open space? The magical beauty? The arts? People come to Jackson for many reasons. I have even heard the argument that Jackson is friendly, that Jackson is different. It seemed mostly applicable to the community. The community is nice to the community. But maybe not. Jackson has stooped to the level of ski town trash talk.

  16. sc January 6, 2014 5:47 pm

    Ha, ha glad I shop at Smiths!

  17. Jay January 6, 2014 6:24 pm

    Jim, that is the most amazing story I’ve ever read. Thank you, and congratulations. Well done.

  18. Jay January 6, 2014 6:31 pm

    k.b. – Why should any former Vice President have any expectations to ever go anywhere in public ever again without being acknowledged, teased, praised, bothered, asked for an autograph/picture, or generally “harassed” by someone who recognizes him? HE decided to become a public figure–no one forced him into it. More than that, HE decided to become a POLARIZING public figure. He put himself out there, and he has to forever live with the results.

  19. k.b. January 7, 2014 1:31 am

    @Jay
    Because of that thing called common courtesy. Only it is not so common anymore. For this reason, good people do not seek public office.

    Please know I do not consider Cheney good. In fact, I abhor him. But two wrongs don’t make a right.

  20. PS January 7, 2014 11:38 am

    I’m surprised he didn’t have an entourage of security and doctors by his side to prevent this type of harassment and heart attack.
    Be careful Jim, you may wake up at Guantanamo one day!

    Bye the way, nicely done! He deserves every bit of it.

  21. David Waters January 8, 2014 4:10 pm

    I will take the next opportunity to ruin your day just because I can.

  22. John Rando January 9, 2014 11:49 am

    Y’all are f*cking kidding with the “10 years too late,” “get a real job,” “common courtesy” stuff, right? Because Cheney deserves every bit of derision and hatred, both private and public, from every person he meets for the rest of his life. Personally, I hope there’s someone jeering him on his deathbed.

    See, that’s the prize you win for sending US forces overseas to kill and die in a false war for political and financial gain. Putting this encounter on the level of “ski-town-locals vs. visitors” chatter is hilarious. Jackson is, by and large, a very friendly town, unless you happen to be war-mongering, soulless, and evil, with the deaths of innocent people on your head.

  23. MAC January 11, 2014 3:08 pm

    You were rude to Cheney the man when you were trying to make a point to Cheney the politician. I too would like to make a point to Cheney the politician that he did not have and does not have my support in both his domestic and international policies, but being rude to Cheney the man (someone who has done nothing to you personally) does not achieve that goal. In my opinion you have simply joined the ranks of the reality tv schmucks who go to great lengths to achieve a 5 second sound bite and clutter our lives with nonsense then engage in meaningful dialogue.

  24. Diana January 12, 2014 6:55 am

    Did that make you feel important….badgering OUR former Vice President while he was grocery shopping? Do you also harass military personnel in uniform when you see them? You should kiss the ground you walk on and be extremely thankful you live in a country that would allow you to act like such a moron without punishment.

  25. Chad January 13, 2014 7:53 am

    Pfft. In your trip to Albies, hopefully you picked up some chill pills and looser underwear for everyone posting here.

  26. Rob W January 13, 2014 6:42 pm

    Let’s not get carried away with ourselves–there is a significant difference between making a witty, smartass remark versus telling Dick to go fuck himself. If you can’t see that then you probably didn’t get Jim’s comment to begin with.

    Also, ad hominem aside…I feel it’s not a far stretch to assume Dick is a terrible fucking person outside of the realm of politics.

  27. Mateo January 17, 2014 7:57 pm

    Dick Cheney made decisions that destroyed the lives of millions of humans, and he did so against sound advice, against the will of the people, and outside of the authority vested in him by law. He should have nowhere to turn on this earth without being harassed; he should be met in every venue, public and private, with scorn and insult.

    Dick Cheney is a sociopath whose behavior should be shunned and made clear to be unacceptable to human civilization. By punishing him socially, we make it clear to other Cheney wanna-be’s that their sociopathy will not go unpunished. No, he does not deserve to be treated like a private citizen, allowed to go on about his life. He should face the terrible, grotesque consequences of his conscious, destructive behavior forever. Ideally he would be doing it from a prison cell. But we’ll settle for everywhere he turns, for as long as he breathes.

  28. Ruth Drews April 9, 2014 2:26 pm

    omg… first of all this post made me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. Jim, thank you!

    second, what’s with all the negative comments?
    folks need to loosen up and not take themselves so seriously.

    I’m still chuckling!

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