Jackson Hole Underground

As town gears up for the Jackson Hole Film Festival, tonight there will be a showing of an off-festival movie that revs the debate over snowmobiles into a full-throttle indictment of the Bush-Cheney administration’s approach to government.

“A Snowmobile for George” is the story of California filmmaker Todd Darling’s ride into the exhaust cloud of deregulation. Following his own curiosity after buying a sled, Darling races from the controversy over allowing snowmobiles in Yellowstone to runaway coal-bed methane drilling in the Powder River Basin to a hideous die-off of salmon on the Klamath River.

The 96-minute film will screen at 6:30 p.m. at the Jackson campus of Teton Science Schools, off Highway 22. The event is being sponsored by the Western Organization of Research Councils, an association that represents ranchers and other landowners on issues of water, air and soil quality. On hand will be George Smith, a cowboy poet from Sheridan.

Controversy erupted at the 33rd World Championship Snowmobile Hill Climb late Thursday as event organizers were ambushed by last-minute entries of hybrid snowmobiles.

The four-woman team from California-Amazon Technical School, calling themselves “Team Al Gore Rhythm,” arrived unannounced in a Toyota Prius towing two experimental sleds which they claimed burned an alternative fuel.

Jennifer Flynn, the team captain, said, “We’ve been working on a recyclables-based technology we call pre-apocalyptic craptacular fusion. Using a mixture of sea water, pulverized No. 1 plastic and shredded coated-print stock — we use Victoria’s Secret catalogs because we love the irony — we have created a 55-pound engine that delivers nearly pure energy. The gimbal-mounted flywheel acts as a gyroscopic stabilizer, too.”

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Residents of east Jackson reported being disturbed this morning by a nuisant whining noise that began abruptly and has carried on for hours.

“Dude, what is, like, someone clear-cutting Cache Creek with a chainsaw?” said Carter Stoneman. The part-time ski instructor reported feeling “shanked” when the buzz became audible over the Widespread Panic jam he was listening to.

“It sounds like someone is drilling an oil rig straight into Snow King Mountain,” said Emily Trussfund, who nearly spilled her herb tea at the nonprofit she works for, upon hearing the grating sound.

Customers at nearby Pearl Street Bagels began coughing after mysterious fumes wafted through the neighborhood. Authorities are investigating.

It looks ugly, but by summer no one
will notice.

So says Snow King Ski Area Manager Jim Sullivan, speaking of the S-shaped gashes left on the hillside by the “World Championship” Snowmobile Hill Climb this weekend.

Any damage inflicted on the mountain by snowmobiles will be remedied, Sullivan said Monday morning, preparing to head up and begin reseeding by hand.

Officials from Snow King and the U.S. Forest Service will meet this afternoon with the Jackson Hole Snow Devils, which organizes the event, to assess the damage, Sullivan said.

“I am not saying it looks good,” Sullivan said. “We are going to fix it, and it will be just fine.”

Although the Hill Climb, in which racers ride souped-up snowmobiles straight up the King’s steep Exhibition run, typically leaves a mark on the slope, this year the tracks were particularly glaring because of thin snow cover and unusually warm temperatures.

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JACKSON, Wyo. — Unfazed by the rapidly melting snowpack and overjoyed at the prospect of cleaving Snow King into two smaller sub-peaks, organizers say they will go ahead as planned with the annual Snowmobile Mud Climb, sponsored by Halliburton and the Bin Laden Group.

U.S. oil companies have hired the paramilitary firm Blackwater USA to airlift an extra 1,000 barrels of Saudi Arabian crude to help cover the fuel consumption this weekend. The Dubai Stock Exchange soared on news that the event will take place.

Weather forecasters say viewing conditions should be excellent, with unnaturally warm temperatures under hazy skies.

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